anxiety over credit
Aug. 30th, 2002 04:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
redfishiei'll be off to hunter's as soon as I pack up the garb...have some random foodstuffs and never took the tent or sleeping bag out of the car after Pennsic anyways. Really long day at work..feel like crap; i strongly suspect my work allergens. came home to find a notice the at&t broadband never got my last check and they want the money tomorrow...I want to know what they did with my check. I know I mailed it.
not that my ethernet card works right anyways. fed up with that. I had a minor money freak today. I have too much debt. I also know I have issues around this and a lot of that comes from the irrational way my dad dealt with me and money in college. I know he didn't pull that sort of crap on my brother. I also know it's real because even my mom noticed it. I never had the spendthrift urges until he got down on me when I was being a scrooge. *sigh* the problem is knowing why you react to something and the cause doesn't make the reaction go away. I'm going to pay off one of my credit cards this month which is cool but it's going to leave me with zero cash...which stresses me out because I could really use an emergency fund. I suspect I won't feel good about this until I pay off all my debt (probably a year or more from now not including school debt) and I have some savings built up. Right now I feel like I'm wobbling on a tight-rope and that there's an abyss underneath me.
I pay my bills at the beginning of the month(when I'm payed) and it always makes me feel this way to an extent but it seems worse this time. It's kinda neat to be on your own but my friends and family seem really far away sometimes. Probably because they are.
My anxiety is also ramping up. It just means that there's something bothering me that I am either avoiding dealing with or I can't deal with yet. I have an idea what it is and it isn't something I want to touch right now. Oh well. I can't change anything about the money situation right now and next month it should be a bit better. If I don't worry about it, it won't be so bad. I may go apply for another personal loan to consolidate more of the debt. It also does make me feel more in control of it...the entire payment plan aspect of it is comforting.
1 card down, 2 really large ones to go.
not that my ethernet card works right anyways. fed up with that. I had a minor money freak today. I have too much debt. I also know I have issues around this and a lot of that comes from the irrational way my dad dealt with me and money in college. I know he didn't pull that sort of crap on my brother. I also know it's real because even my mom noticed it. I never had the spendthrift urges until he got down on me when I was being a scrooge. *sigh* the problem is knowing why you react to something and the cause doesn't make the reaction go away. I'm going to pay off one of my credit cards this month which is cool but it's going to leave me with zero cash...which stresses me out because I could really use an emergency fund. I suspect I won't feel good about this until I pay off all my debt (probably a year or more from now not including school debt) and I have some savings built up. Right now I feel like I'm wobbling on a tight-rope and that there's an abyss underneath me.
I pay my bills at the beginning of the month(when I'm payed) and it always makes me feel this way to an extent but it seems worse this time. It's kinda neat to be on your own but my friends and family seem really far away sometimes. Probably because they are.
My anxiety is also ramping up. It just means that there's something bothering me that I am either avoiding dealing with or I can't deal with yet. I have an idea what it is and it isn't something I want to touch right now. Oh well. I can't change anything about the money situation right now and next month it should be a bit better. If I don't worry about it, it won't be so bad. I may go apply for another personal loan to consolidate more of the debt. It also does make me feel more in control of it...the entire payment plan aspect of it is comforting.
1 card down, 2 really large ones to go.
